I have always wanted to be one of those people who are able to do stuff they don’t have to do. People who are active in any ideological way and / or do something, have a hobby, a passion, a few or a lot, and actually get to do it.
I’ve always thought as well that this society makes no sense in so many ways. This present time, this economical crisis, as I see it, has only followed the ideological indiference of the past few years. And sure, it’s very easy not to fall in that indiference, but most of the people just don’t bother.
I enjoy discussing about politics, most of the time, and I think the way you talk about politics and the kind of reasoning that you use to support your thesis are a relfection of you, of how you see life or how you live it. Or how you would live it if you were totally coherent, or if you had the means and time or if the world was a better place.
I’ve always talked about fight for what I consider to be fair and tried timidly to induce people into it. At the time of the reasoning, the argumentation, the pure talking, it’s quite easy to convince a nice amout of people to take action, but at the time of taking the action, the number is reduced to ridiculous and everyone bails out. I have to admit, I did never take huge steps, but even the tiniest ones ended up tragically. Many seemed to be afraid of something, others seemed to be undisturbed by the unfairness, others never had the time.
But when I don’t like things, I tend to say them. Now, in the last few months I’ve relearnt how to shut up, bite my tongue and breath deeply. I’ve gone back to feeling somehow like a teenager, being again the student who can’t argue either because he is not given the chance or because he is not able to put it in the proper words. As a teenager I had to learn that to deal with teachers, parents, authority and even friendship, but with the years it became an unusual situation. So I had to relearn it and it was kind of humiliating sometimes, vergüenza ajena too. And I started to think of the fight for fairness again.
Don’t get me wrong: I don’t mean fight as in atacking, nor mean by it any revenge. I mean pure trying to change things and make them better. Make them what they should be. In every case. I am unimportant to it, the change has to happen and there doesn’t seem much people getting together for it to happen. I tried, again, like I did in my earlier youth, failed again.Decided to go. Felt sad and disappointed. And then, zas!, the oportunity is there, it was there for a moment, he showed it to me, and I thought: “take it!”, so I took it. Without much hope at the beginning. But then, oh, surprise, what happened then. The oportunity became a possibility. A crazy possibility, in many aspects. A possibility that had to be worked on, a lot, or would stop being a possibility to end up being another failure. But I kept smelling the change, and remembered all the people who said “yeah, let’s do it, someday” and here, one gives ideas, the other one solutions, the other one problems to solve and, suddenly, it’s a hidden we. I’ve wrap it all up and now I’m impatient. I’m all excited and nervous, and happy and hopeful, and afraid because there’s the possibility that it won’t happen. But I believe I(we) have a good thing in hands, that it is possible, logical, good. And there’s only hope on one side, and on the other one, none at all. But there is always that tiny light at the end of the tunnel. A great man once said:
The man who is guided by concepts and abstractions only succeeds by such means in warding off misfortune, without ever gaining any happiness for himself from these abstractions. And while he aims for the greatest possible freedom from pain, the intuitive man, standing in the midst of a culture, already reaps from his intuition a harvest of continually inflowing illumination, cheer, and redemption — in addition to obtaining a defense against misfortune.
And another man, not quite as great but still good, summarized the sentence as:
Happiness is fighting without fear or hope.
So, here I am, trying to make myself happy and, wenn möglich, make also happy as many other people as possible. So yeah, not quite working the “without hope” part, but, hey, otherwise I wouldn’t really make the effort. I just know it’s highly probable that it doesn’t happen. What I(we) have in mind is not exactly what they asked for. It’s not exactly how they described it to me, not exactly what they wanted. But I think it’s better. So. A bit of hope, there is. A bit of fear too. That’s why I’m kinda anxious about it already. I want to know. I want to know what’s next. Whatever way it goes, it goes to change. At least for me.
